Squeaky Stomach

It turns out that showing appreciation for a friend’s toy is frowned upon by humans. I was in the park with my friend Darwin, and he had a little purple squeaky toy that I quite fancied. We chased each other around quite a bit stealing the toy from each other, but I wanted to show Darwin just how much I liked his toy, so I used some fancy moves folding it up into tiny triangles in my mouth and swallowed it.

When my human saw the flash of purple in my mouth, she tried to steal it. I don’t think she understood just how much talent is required to fold a rubber toy into tiny origami shapes so swallowing it just seemed like the sensible thing to do. She took me home right away because she didn’t want Darwin to show just how impressed he was at my skills, and she gave me some yoghurt to try and help the toy come back out of my mouth. I wasn’t going to give up my treasure that easily!

After a couple of hours, we got to go to my favourite place, the vet! This was a new one because it was a Sunday, but the people in blue outfits were every bit as playful as the ones at our usual vet!  And they were really nice. I was very happy that my human took me to meet these new vets. They played with me and scratched behind my ears just the way I like. They pressed on my belly, probably hoping for a squeak since they had determined that the toy had re-inflated. I know I was looking forward to hearing the toy squeak again! Boy, wouldn’t that impress Darwin!

Unfortunately they must have decided that Darwin should have his toy back because they gave me some of those funny drugs and next thing I knew, I had a horrible pain in my belly and no toy! I spent a week on those funny drugs and in really bad pain, but eventually I got all better and got to show off my scar to all the other dogs at the park. They were very impressed.

It sure would have been nicer to still have a squeaky tummy instead.

This weekend my humans finally took me to a beach. This one was called Southwold and it has lots of sand to play with. As soon as we arrived, we went down to the water and I tried chasing the little waves a few times while still trying to keep my paws dry.

My human brought along my favourite toy of all time, the Kong Flyer! It was the nice soft, flexible one, not the new redesign that’s harder to bend in half for picking up.

This frisbee is impossible to destroy (although I’ve killed a few with months of diligent effort). When my human threw the frisbee for me, though, one of the little waves came and stole it from right under my nose! I tried to take it back, repeatedly running to the spot where I last saw it and sticking my nose under the water to sniff around for it. It turns out, though, that sniffing around underwater isn’t the most comfortable thing to do, no matter how many times you attempt it.

I don’t know why my humans didn’t understand the enormity of the situation, because after about 20 attempts on my part to find my frisbee in the water, they put a lead on me and dragged me away.

The next morning I went right to the same spot in the hopes that the sea was ready to give me back my toy, but there was no sign of it. All I could do is roll around in the sand enough to leave my scent so that my precious frisbee could find me again if it ever escaped the sea’s stubborn clutches.

I miss my flexible Kong Flyer.

My humans occasionally leave me in strange places for days or weeks at a time. I’m not entirely sure what they are doing during this time, but I’m hoping very much that they’re not spending all their time at my dog park with my friends.  I do look at them enquiringly in order to try and get them to admit their whereabouts, but they keep secrets very well. Based on the mysterious smells, though, I think they might be telling the truth about not going to my park without me. They return from these periods away smelling of things like airplanes and tall buildings and kangaroos and mountains (none of which we have in Cambridge), but sometimes they’ve also smelled of other dogs. I don’t recognise the dogs, but I put on a bit of a sulk regardless. It simply isn’t fair for them to be socialising without me!

The first time they left me in a strange place for a couple of weeks, I was as a residential dog school called Royvon learning how to be dominated. That was surprisingly fun, actually, but I was still so happy when they came back for me. I was very careful to walk-to-heel for a few days after, just in case they decided I needed to go back to the school again. They think I am a very well behaved (but still very playful) puppy since my stay at Royvon, and they said something about being able to leave me there on the way to Heathrow and pick me up when returning to England. Whatever. I’m just glad that we were all able to learn about the pack order within only a couple of weeks as it leaves me able to play while trusting my humans to protect the family.

The second time they left me, it was on a farm near Cambridge for a few days. The smells were somewhat familiar and the people were nice enough, but it was a bit lonely as I wasn’t allowed to play with other dogs.

This latest trip, though, was a lot of fun! I went to stay at this place near Cambridge called Westlodge Luxury Kennels and boy was it fun! Westlodge not only takes care of dogs, but also cats and rabbits and even birds! The dogs’ rooms all look out onto really pretty gardens and we get to spend our quite time looking at the trees and bushes and flowers, all while listening to the birds in the aviary chirping away. Not only that, but they also have a one acre paddock where the dogs get to run around and play! It was just like being at the park and I got to make lots of friends. And to top it all off, the nice lady in the office, Iris, lets dogs occasionally hang out with her in the front office, even getting to curl up in her lap and help her type if they are so inclined (and if they are small enough).

I was very happy to see my owners, of course, but I’m really looking forward to going back and watching the birds again soon!

I am so embarrassed.

It seems that because I prefer to eat my brushes rather than let my fur be pulled and tugged at by the silly things, my velcro-like hair was looking a bit too organic for my humans’ comfort. It is really so wrong to store excess foliage for later?

Well, it seems so. My rockin’ muppet locks that flopped up and down as I ran have been unceremoniously shaved off! Where I was previously quite mysterious with my eyes hidden behind a thick curtain of curls, now people can even see what colour my eyes are. It’s just not fair.

My humans wanted to leave my hair long for the remainder of the winter, and I quite agreed with that sentiment because it is cold out there, but it seems my new-found love of frolicking in deep puddles has caused some rather unattractive dreadlocks to form on every inch of my body. As my humans would try to pull out bits of shrubbery from my legs, my fur would reach out like tentacles and gather the bits back. After all, what would I have to gnaw on during the night if they were all removed?

Evidently the situation had reached critical mass, and I was taken to my favourite groomer with the silly name of Poochie Parlour (don’t tell my friends – they’ll laugh at me!). What should normally have taken two hours took an unprecedented four hours! The groomers did try to leave my hair as long as they could, but in the end I even scared my human when he saw me. He decided it would be best to cover me up, so I now have a very nice black padded jacket.

Honestly, I'm not a poodle!

What I’m not so certain of, though, is why my female human called me a creature out of a Tim Burton flick.

Let’s just hope that it all grows back quickly. Maybe the pet store sells Doggie-Rogaine.

For our New Year holiday, my humans and I went to The North to visit some friends in Northumbria. I had heard people mention The North before but I really didn’t know what to expect. Would the dogs be friendly? Would the humans be forthcoming with yummy treats? Would this involve another long drive in my humans’ annoyingly quiet car or will we take the fun loud car?

Well, let me tell you, for starters we didn’t take a car at all! Instead we got on a very big vehicle called a train that was full of people and was very loud indeed. I do like noisy contraptions, but this one took a bit of getting used to. We had to stand during the first train ride because so many people were going to The North, but after 30 minutes of protecting my human by growling (sounds like whining, but I assure you it is fierce growling) at the trees whooshing by, I settled down to sleep on my human’s feet. That way if he moved, I would know it. Then some lady boarded the train wearing perfume that made me sneeze over and over. The next train we boarded was better as we were able to steal two seats and after 30 more minutes of fidgeting I settled down to sleep across both my human’s laps. That was nice.

When we pulled into Newcastle, there was a fight among some badly behaved thugs on our carriage. I worried that this was what The North was like, so I practiced a little growl and a standing leap. This invoked a giggle in someone nearby, so I think it will require a little more practice.

When we arrived at our friends’ house in a village called Stamfordham, I discovered a great surprise. They had a friend for me named Toby! Toby is a springer spaniel and has long luxurious curls on his ears and pouty puppy dog eyes. I think the girls must like Toby a lot, so I will practice his mournful looks and see if it helps me out with the ladies back home.

The next day we bundled into the car for a bit of a drive. I knew it would be fun because the humans were wearing their plastic boots called Wellies. After a long drive during which I entertained myself by demonstrating my flexibility and enthusiasm to Toby in our shared travel crate, we arrived at a place that was cold and wet and windy with a tang to the air that I couldn’t quite place. This definitely looked promising!

Toby led the way to some hills over which I couldn’t see anything. The ground changed under my feet, but I didn’t really notice because I was busy showing Toby my indestructible Kong frisbee. As we reached the top of the hill, though, I suddenly saw below us a great big bathtub! I decided to ignore it and hope my humans didn’t see it and get any grand ideas. But between me and the water was this great big expanse of funny feeling ground called a beach. I slid with great abandon down the sandy hill towards the beach and tested out whether the frisbee would slid along it the way it slides on snow and ice. It did!

Toby did something odd then which made me worry about his state of mind. He ran right into the water! Very odd indeed. Well, I suppose the eccentrics are part of what makes England fun.

Toby came back to the dry sand and played with me for a while, but I should have suspected he’d have something up his sleeve. He had me chasing him towards the water with my frisbee which I dropped on the sand to try and tempt him to steal it, when all of a sudden the water tried to attack me! There was this layer of water coming right at me trying to take away my frisbee! I was able to leap out of the way thanks to my very fine reflexes, but poor frisbee didn’t fare so well and got all wet.

It turns out that sand doesn’t melt away the same as snow, so i was a bit surprised at the sand going up my nose and making me sneeze, but I think this beach idea is one we’ll have to explore again soon. And more visits with Toby are definitely required!

Happy New Year!

It snowed today! A lot! We were in the dog park walking with my friends Elvis, Molly, Cass and Charlie when the snow started. Even though we were there for well over an hour, none of us wanted to go home.

Elvis was really funny because he hadn’t figured out that snow on top of ice isn’t much fun. Time and again we watched and laughed when he would run over a snowy-covered patch of ice and his legs would go splaying in every direction.

I had my little soccer ball when I arrived at the park, but that was soon lost in the snow. Before it was lost, I had so much fun swatting it back and forth between my front legs and pouncing on it. My female human said I looked like a muppet when I did that, since my ears took longer to obey gravity then the rest off my head and my hair is quite long so everything looks a bit floppy.

We stayed for over an hour even though it had already gotten dark because the snow meant that humans could still see perfectly well, and each of us have blinking lights on our collars which we think makes the park seem like a disco.

When the humans decided it was time to go home, none of us wanted to leave. Unfortunately, though, we are all very well behaved and lined up to sit and wait for the leash to be attached to our collars.

On the walk home, I discovered another fun game, which was to plant my front legs into the snow so that when my human dragged me along, great big piles of snow built up in front of my feet, and I ate lots and lots of it. My human lost a bit of her authority due to laughter.

I love my football and will regret the loss of it in the snow, but I think that the snow itself is the best toy ever invented!

Today I am one year old! This means that I can officially run and jump. Evidently I was not supposed to walk up and down stairs, jump off of sofas, or turn into a hover-pup when taking flying leaps into the kitchen. This is because puppy joints are fragile. So of course I’ve not done any such thing! Honest! But now…

(p.s. since I don’t show up on film as anything but a black blur, no one has any evidence of me ever doing any of these forbidden things prior to my first birthday!)

After an exciting and sometimes unsettling month, we’ve finally moved back into our newly renovated house. I’ve really missed my friends at the graveyard, and the joy of seeing them twice a day has erased my memory of all those strange-smelling hotels and rental houses we stayed in during November.

My best friend, Elvis, is a black Labrador that is a month older than me which means he is very wise and has much to teach me. We first met when I was four months old and he was much more experienced at five months. He taught me really clever tricks such as how to run towards a new dog, of any size, and flip them over onto their back for a thorough inspection. These inspections need to include an analysis of the stretchiness of the dog’s neck using my teeth. Sometimes the dog being inspected will try to get up and run away, but fortunately Elvis showed me that this is just part of the game.

Elvis taught me another game that I really enjoy which involves one of us finding a great big stick and running towards our humans’ legs at top speed. The humans play along by jumping out of the way and squealing a little bit. Elvis and I then each take one end of the same stick and run alongside each other. This can sometimes be a challenge for me because Elvis is a little taller than me, but I think it lends me a very majestic air as I have to prance along quickly with my head held high.  I hope that this impresses Elvis, my ability to keep up with him.

Sharing my football with Elvis

Sometimes I like to carry a small squeaky football in my mouth as I run around the graveyard. Elvis is so cool that he just runs up and steals the football right out of my mouth! We play this game over and over, sometimes for a whole hour, and there are occasionally times when we are so tired that we have to simply collapse on the grass facing each other with the ball held between us in both of our mouths simultaneously.

I hope to be as cool as him and I vow to practice every day. The other morning my human had just put me on my lead and was walking towards the exit when we saw Elvis on his lead (a very unusual occurrence). His human was looking a bit bleary-eyed and was carrying a big cup of steaming coffee, and despite my concerted attempts to show Elvis that I still had energy to stay and play with him, he was cruely taken out of the park without so much as a ‘hello’ sniff. My human said “sorry, Oscar, but Elvis has left the graveyard.” she then started laughing at what she said. Humans are odd.

For the past few weeks, we have had to stay in hotels because of the home improvements that my humans decided would be a good idea. Since I normally sleep in the kitchen at home rather than upstairs with the humans, I’ve had many new opportunities over the past few weeks to protect my humans and warn them about impending danger. There have been sounds outside the hotel room doors during the night which my humans just slept right through, but I was able to successfully rouse them a few times.

On most days, I returned to the house with my male human to play with paint. The builders make lots of noise, but they take occasional breaks to play with me. Once they even left me a bag of sharp cable pins to chew on which made my human run around making funny noises. He seemed upset.

There were a few days when I wasn’t allowed at the house, so I went to work with my female human. That is always fun because there are miles and miles of walking trails around the area and I get to run around and get muddy. We play a fun game on these walks which involves me approaching the various stagnant ponds and creeks, and the closer I get, the louder my human yells. She even squeaked once, just like my favourite chew toy!

Today we get to move back home. I still feel badly that I was not able to assist with the kitchen destruction at the outset of the home improvements, so I think I will make it up to my humans by trying some destruction techniques on the new kitchen. Im sure they will be very impressed.

Today I went to the office with my female human to help supervise her work. I like to make sure that she always gives people treats and good feedback when they do what she asks of them.

The office is an interesting place with lots of colours and many rooms to explore. It is strange to make the rounds to each person’s desk, though, because they sit so quietly all in one room and I have to rely upon my super-strength sense of smell to know there is a person there. They don’t even make noise except strange repetitive clacking sounds with the fingers.

I really liked visiting the department where they have lots of power cords and bits of computers lying around. The people sitting in that area give really good scratches behind the ear and have yummy smelling crisp packets (potato chip bags) in their trash.

I visited the Director of Finance and conducted a thorough sniffing of his office, but it only smelled of discarded numbers. Humans can’t smell this, but dogs have lots and lots of sniffing power.

One group of people that I really enjoy saying hello to is the type of people who don’t like dogs. I like to throw extra enthusiasm into my greetings for them!

After our social visits, I escorted my human back to her office where I curled up under her desk with my chin resting helpfully on her foot while she conducted a video call with one of her employees.

Next on the agenda is going around and giving everyone Werther’s Originals. They smell yummy! I like to unwrap them completely before eating them, but that only gets to happen when she has disappeared and forgets that the candies are on her desk. I always enjoy watching her face get a confused frown when trying to figure out where the neat candy wrappers came from.

I wonder if she gives the people in her office treats because they’re always sitting down. Maybe I should tell them the trick of getting up and waiting for her to say ‘sit’ before sitting back down. She gives me a treat every time! Hours of fun!